Monday, July 27, 2009

My biggest regret

Whatever happens in the future from here on out should be good for me. I get a long with all the new workers here and they actually start conversations with me. Before, the old guard didn't.

People like Kristen could go fuck themselves. It would of been nice to get along with her but I won't regret not getting along with her. She naturally sucks. She needs to find a personality instead of walking around like a big fucking dope.

I won't regret not getting along with Robert either. He has too many hang ups and insecurities. That's something I could deal without. He's so insecure that he makes Suzie send him all the emails I send her. Still, I understand Robert. That's why I don't hate him. He's a nice guy but I won't regret anything when it comes to him.

My biggest regret for when I ever leave this place is not getting along with Suzie. We had a chance to be such great buddies. I wish it turned out better than it did. I wish we never had those fights. She sometimes thinks like I do too. I'm not attracted to Suzie. I just saw a lot of potential for friendship that went down the drain and it was because I'm so fucked in the head.

Her and Robert and whoever else hold grudges against me and it's because of my brain injury. Isn't that weird? Going to a place for brain injury and people hold things against you because you're brain injured? Every thing I did wrong to not get along with people was because I was or still am very fucked in the head. It seems to me that these professionals don't understand me even though they're supposed to.

If they did understand, the program as a whole would be much better but they take things too personal. I've seen some workers get upset because of what a client did or said to them. Um, hello? They're fucked up. They're brain injured. How can you not understand that? Why did you get yourself into this business in the first place if you're going to hold meetings and hold grudges against clients?

It's not healthy for you or the client so maybe some of you should just quit. I know some of you are reading this because I put the wheels in motion for you to.

Do you actually think I worshipped Maia like I led you to believe on this blog? No, I was just trying to get her to like me so I could get in her pants and fuck the living shit out of her. She was constantly turning me on. I was trying to build a seed because I knew she was reading this blog but now she's gone.

I realized the one person I could of leaned on in the time of trouble could of been Suzie but it is what it is. I believe in destiny so there must be a reason why for the way things are happening.

An update on me. I couldn't walk this morning. I couldn't feel my legs from the knee caps down. I had to get my hands and bang my legs down so blood would rush through them. It felt like two big pieces of meat hanging down. I know that my heart failure is causing it so there's nothing anyone can do. I'm pretty tired right now.

My mother is ignoring me for some reason. I never call her on the weekend but I tried this weekend but she ignored me. I got really mad. I'm still mad because she invites my brother over every Sunday for food but not me. I don't care about my mother. I care about the food. Then she'll lie to me and say she has food for me that she made on Tuesday when she really made it on Sunday when my brother came over. I hope I don't get really angry at her Tuesday.

Friday, July 24, 2009

If you want to look at my cock

You have to suck it first you stupid bitch. Suck it and then lick the balls.